What to do if your therapist talks to you like they're your boss

If you've ever felt like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, you're not alone -- this is unfortunately a common sentiment expressed on reddit and other forums. What is behind these posts is that people often feel like they're being directed rather than supported in therapy. But the therapeutic relationship should be a collaborative partnership, not a hierarchy. This post explores how you and your therapist can work together to achieve your goals, ensuring that you feel empowered and heard throughout the process.

A Collaborative Approach to Therapy

Therapy is most effective when it's a two-way street. You bring your experiences, challenges, and goals, while your therapist provides tools, insights, and support. When these elements come together in a collaborative way, you're more likely to see meaningful progress.

However, if you feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, it might be a sign that the partnership needs some adjustment. Therapy should never feel like a power struggle; instead, it should feel like a cooperative effort where both people contribute in a collaboratively way.

Collaboration in therapy ensures that your voice is central to the process. When therapists and clients work together as equals, it enhances the therapeutic alliance, which is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy. A collaborative approach also respects your autonomy and empowers you to take an active role in your healing process.

Some key benefits of a collaborative therapeutic relationship include:

• Empowerment: You feel more in control of your therapy and your life.
• Better Outcomes: Research shows that collaboration leads to more effective therapy.
• Increased Engagement: You’re more likely to engage with the therapeutic process when you feel like an active participant.
• Greater Satisfaction: A collaborative relationship often leads to higher satisfaction with therapy.

How to Foster Collaboration in Therapy

If you feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, here are some strategies to foster a more collaborative relationship (if this doesn't work, there are also suggestions for finding a new therapist below):

1. Communicate Openly: Start by expressing how you feel. Let your therapist know if you feel like the dynamic is too directive. A good therapist will appreciate your honesty and work with you to adjust the approach.
   
2. Set Mutual Goals: Make sure that your therapy goals are set together. Your therapist should guide you based on their expertise, but the goals should reflect what you genuinely want to achieve.
3. Ask Questions: Don’t hesitate to ask why certain techniques or strategies are being recommended. Understanding the rationale behind your therapist’s suggestions can make you feel more involved and informed.
4. Give Feedback: If something isn’t working for you, say so. Therapy should be flexible, and your therapist should be willing to adapt their approach based on your feedback.
5. Be an Active Participant: Collaboration is a two-way street. Engage with the process, bring your thoughts and ideas to sessions, and take ownership of your progress.
   
   

What to Do If the Dynamic Doesn’t Improve

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may continue to feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss. If that’s the case, it might be worth considering a different therapist who better matches your style. The right therapist for you will be someone who respects your input and collaborates with you to create a treatment plan that truly fits your needs.

Therapy is a relationship that you and your therapist navigate together. If you ever feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, it’s important to address it. By fostering open communication, setting mutual goals, and being an active participant, you can build a strong therapeutic partnership that leads to meaningful change.