A more realistic approach to enjoying parenthood (and life)
Quick Takeaways
- Feeling pressured to enjoy every second of parenting can increase stress and guilt.
- Making room for all emotions—including the tough ones—can enhance your connection with your kids.
- Practicing “appreciation curiosity” can reduce burnout and help you stay grounded.
At some point, nearly every parent hears this well-meaning advice: “Enjoy every moment—they grow up so fast!” While it comes from a place of love and nostalgia, it can feel like emotional whiplash when you’re juggling tantrums, bedtime battles, or just trying to get through the day.
Instead of helping, this type of message can fuel parenting stress by creating unrealistic expectations—leaving you to wonder, why can't I just enjoy this?
In this post, I’ll unpack the psychological impact of what I call “appreciation pressure” and offer some practical, research-informed ways to let go of guilt and find more genuine moments of connection.
Instead of helping, this type of message can fuel parenting stress by creating unrealistic expectations—leaving you to wonder, why can't I just enjoy this?
In this post, I’ll unpack the psychological impact of what I call “appreciation pressure” and offer some practical, research-informed ways to let go of guilt and find more genuine moments of connection.
The Trap of “Appreciation Pressure”
Social media, parenting books, and even close family members often promote the idea that every moment with your child is precious and should be cherished. The problem? That sentiment is usually filtered through hindsight—and nostalgia is a powerful editor.
For those still in the trenches of raising young kids, this advice can feel completely disconnected from reality. Instead of encouraging gratitude, it can trigger guilt, frustration, or the nagging sense that you’re somehow failing.
Psychologically, this creates a kind of cognitive distortion—particularly “should” statements—that can cloud your experience. Telling yourself “I should be grateful right now” can actually make it harder to feel that way.
For those still in the trenches of raising young kids, this advice can feel completely disconnected from reality. Instead of encouraging gratitude, it can trigger guilt, frustration, or the nagging sense that you’re somehow failing.
Psychologically, this creates a kind of cognitive distortion—particularly “should” statements—that can cloud your experience. Telling yourself “I should be grateful right now” can actually make it harder to feel that way.
Three Ways to Ease the Pressure and Reconnect
1. Reframe the “Shoulds”
Start by noticing when you’re telling yourself what you should feel. Then, try responding to those statements with more flexible, compassionate ones:
2. Validate Emotions—Yours Included
As parents, we often try to teach our kids that all feelings are valid, even if not all behaviors are okay. The same applies to us.
You might not want to feel annoyed, overwhelmed, or sad—but those emotions are a normal part of life with kids. Acknowledging them (instead of pushing them away) helps you stay emotionally flexible and makes it easier to return to calm when the moment passes.
This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindful parenting doesn’t mean staying zen all the time—it means noticing your internal reactions without judgment and giving yourself space to respond, not just react.
3. Practice “Appreciation Curiosity”
Rather than trying to force gratitude, try getting curious about it. Ask yourself, “Is there anything in this moment I’m appreciating?” Some moments will offer a yes, others a no—and that’s perfectly okay.
You might even try a little mental time travel: Imagine looking back at this moment 10 years from now. What would stand out? What might you miss? This reflective practice can help you experience more meaning without pressuring yourself to feel constant joy.
Start by noticing when you’re telling yourself what you should feel. Then, try responding to those statements with more flexible, compassionate ones:
- “It’s okay that I’m frustrated—this is a frustrating moment.”
- “Even though I love being a parent, I don’t have to enjoy every second of it.”
2. Validate Emotions—Yours Included
As parents, we often try to teach our kids that all feelings are valid, even if not all behaviors are okay. The same applies to us.
You might not want to feel annoyed, overwhelmed, or sad—but those emotions are a normal part of life with kids. Acknowledging them (instead of pushing them away) helps you stay emotionally flexible and makes it easier to return to calm when the moment passes.
This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindful parenting doesn’t mean staying zen all the time—it means noticing your internal reactions without judgment and giving yourself space to respond, not just react.
3. Practice “Appreciation Curiosity”
Rather than trying to force gratitude, try getting curious about it. Ask yourself, “Is there anything in this moment I’m appreciating?” Some moments will offer a yes, others a no—and that’s perfectly okay.
You might even try a little mental time travel: Imagine looking back at this moment 10 years from now. What would stand out? What might you miss? This reflective practice can help you experience more meaning without pressuring yourself to feel constant joy.
Letting Go of the Pressure to Always Feel Grateful
Parenting is full of ups and downs. Trying to “savor every moment” can become a mental trap if it’s not grounded in reality. By noticing unhelpful thought patterns, validating your full emotional experience, and approaching moments with curiosity instead of pressure, you can actually create more space for real connection and appreciation.
And if you find yourself stuck in cycles of guilt, burnout, or emotional overwhelm, you’re not alone. Therapy can help you reconnect with what matters most, learn practical tools to shift perspective, and find steadier footing in the midst of parenthood’s unpredictability.
Looking for support as you navigate parenting or other life transitions? Feel free to reach out for a free consultation.
And if you find yourself stuck in cycles of guilt, burnout, or emotional overwhelm, you’re not alone. Therapy can help you reconnect with what matters most, learn practical tools to shift perspective, and find steadier footing in the midst of parenthood’s unpredictability.
Looking for support as you navigate parenting or other life transitions? Feel free to reach out for a free consultation.
A version of this piece originally was published on Psychology Today.
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