At some point, nearly every parent hears this well-meaning advice: “Enjoy every moment—they grow up so fast!” While it comes from a place of love and nostalgia, it can feel like emotional whiplash when you’re juggling tantrums, bedtime battles, or just trying to get through the day.

Instead of helping, this type of message can fuel parenting stress by creating unrealistic expectations—leaving you to wonder, why can't I just enjoy this?

In this post, I’ll unpack the psychological impact of what I call “appreciation pressure” and offer some practical, research-informed ways to let go of guilt and find more genuine moments of connection.

Social media, parenting books, and even close family members often promote the idea that every moment with your child is precious and should be cherished. The problem? That sentiment is usually filtered through hindsight—and nostalgia is a powerful editor.

For those still in the trenches of raising young kids, this advice can feel completely disconnected from reality. Instead of encouraging gratitude, it can trigger guilt, frustration, or the nagging sense that you’re somehow failing.

Psychologically, this creates a kind of cognitive distortion—particularly “should” statements—that can cloud your experience. Telling yourself “I should be grateful right now” can actually make it harder to  feel that way.

1. Reframe the “Shoulds”

Start by noticing when you’re telling yourself what you should feel. Then, try responding to those statements with more flexible, compassionate ones:

• “It’s okay that I’m frustrated—this is a frustrating moment.”
• “Even though I love being a parent, I don’t have to enjoy every second of it.”
  
  

These kinds of mental shifts can reduce stress and help you hold space for both the fun and difficult moments that naturally come with parenting.


2. Validate Emotions—Yours Included

As parents, we often try to teach our kids that all feelings are valid, even if not all behaviors are okay. The same applies to us.

You might not want to feel annoyed, overwhelmed, or sad—but those emotions are a normal part of life with kids. Acknowledging them (instead of pushing them away) helps you stay emotionally flexible and makes it easier to return to calm when the moment passes.

This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindful parenting doesn’t mean staying zen all the time—it means noticing your internal reactions without judgment and giving yourself space to respond, not just react.


3. Practice “Appreciation Curiosity”

Rather than trying to force gratitude, try getting curious about it. Ask yourself, “Is there anything in this moment I’m appreciating?” Some moments will offer a yes, others a no—and that’s perfectly okay.

You might even try a little mental time travel: Imagine looking back at this moment 10 years from now. What would stand out? What might you miss? This reflective practice can help you experience more meaning without pressuring yourself to feel constant joy.

Parenting is full of ups and downs. Trying to “savor every moment” can become a mental trap if it’s not grounded in reality. By noticing unhelpful thought patterns, validating your full emotional experience, and approaching moments with curiosity instead of pressure, you can actually create more space for real connection and appreciation.

And if you find yourself stuck in cycles of guilt, burnout, or emotional overwhelm, you’re not alone. Therapy can help you reconnect with what matters most, learn practical tools to shift perspective, and find steadier footing in the midst of parenthood’s unpredictability.

Looking for support as you navigate parenting or other life transitions? Feel free to reach out for a free consultation.

There’s a common belief that you should know what you want before making a decision. But what if you don’t? Many people get stuck waiting for a lightbulb moment that never comes. The fear of making the wrong choice can keep you from making any choice at all.
Some reasons decision paralysis happens:

• Fear of regret – Worrying about making the “wrong” choice and dealing with the consequences.
• Too many options – When there are too many paths, it’s hard to commit to one.
• Pressure to get it right – Society, family, or even self-imposed expectations can make it feel like you need to figure things out perfectly.
• Waiting for clarity – Thinking you need a fully formed plan before taking action.
  

A common misconception is that people who make big decisions have total clarity beforehand. In reality, most figured it out along the way.
Think about skills you’ve developed—your job, relationships, or even hobbies. You probably didn’t know everything at the start. Instead, you tried things, adjusted, and learned what worked. Decision-making works the same way.
The key mindset shift: Action creates clarity. Instead of waiting until you’re sure, try small steps that help you test different paths.

If you’re stuck between choices, try low-risk experiments instead of overthinking:

• Considering a career change? Take an online course, do an informational interview, or shadow someone in the field.
• Thinking about moving to a new city? Visit for a week and live like a local before committing.
• Not sure if you want to stay in a relationship? Have honest conversations, explore therapy, and pay attention to how you feel when you’re together.

The goal isn’t to make a huge leap—it’s to gather information. You’ll start to see what excites you, what drains you, and what feels meaningful.

If you don’t know what you want, focus on what matters to you. Even when the path is unclear, you can align choices with your values.
Ask yourself:

• What kind of person do I want to be?
• What experiences do I want more (or less) of?
• What has made me feel most alive in the past?

For example, if you value creativity but feel stuck in a rigid job, a change toward something more flexible might make sense—even if you’re not sure of the exact role yet.

The key to making decisions when you don’t know what you want is trusting that you’ll learn as you go. Instead of waiting for clarity, try small experiments, align with your values, and take action—because the path forward is often something you create, not something you find.

f you feel stuck and overwhelmed by big life choices, therapy can help you untangle what’s holding you back, clarify what matters to you, and develop a plan for moving forward. I work with adults in their 20s and 30s who feel stuck in their careers, relationships, or personal growth.

If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out here to learn more.

While what works is different for each person, here are some principles that generally can be helpful:

If you’ve been struggling with insomnia, you’re certainly not alone. Millions of adults face sleepless nights due to difficulty falling or staying asleep. One of the most effective evidence-based treatments for insomnia is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). But how do you find the right CBT-I therapist to meet your needs? Let’s explore what CBT-I is, why it works, and how to choose a therapist who specializes in this first-line sleep intervention.

CBT-I is a structured, short-term therapy designed specifically to improve sleep. It targets the unhelpful thoughts, behaviors, and habits that keep people trapped in a cycle of poor sleep. Unlike medications, which provide temporary relief, CBT-I focuses on long-term solutions by addressing the root causes of insomnia.

• Sleep Education: Understanding how sleep works and why certain habits may undermine it.
  
• Stimulus Control: Breaking the association between your bed and wakefulness.
• Cognitive Restructuring: Challenging negative thoughts about sleep that fuel anxiety.
• Relaxation Techniques: Learning methods to reduce stress and calm the mind.
  
• Sleep Restriction: Limiting time in bed to strengthen your sleep drive.
  

Research shows that CBT-I can help people fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and feel more rested during the day.

While there are many self-help resources available, a trained CBT-I therapist provides tailored support that can accelerate your progress. These therapists have specialized expertise in treating insomnia and can adjust techniques to fit your unique sleep challenges.

CBT-I therapists also offer accountability, helping you stick with the program and troubleshoot any roadblocks along the way. If you've tried everything on your own but still feel stuck, working with a professional can make all the difference.

Finding a qualified CBT-I therapist involves a few key steps:

1. Search for Specialists: Look for therapists with specific training and certification in CBT-I. Many professionals list their qualifications on their websites, or you can use directories to search for therapists trained in CBT-I.
   
2. Check Their Credentials: A licensed psychologist, social worker, or counselor who has completed additional training in CBT-I is ideal.
   
3. Ask About Their Experience: During an initial consultation, ask how long they’ve been practicing CBT-I and whether they’ve worked with clients with similar sleep issues.
4. Consider Accessibility: Many CBT-I therapists now offer telehealth sessions, making it easier to fit treatment into your schedule, no matter where you live.
5. Evaluate Fit: Feeling comfortable with your therapist is crucial. A good CBT-I therapist will listen to your concerns, explain the treatment process clearly, and adapt their approach to your needs.
   
   

CBT-I typically involves 6-8 sessions over the course of 2-3 months, but may be shorter or longer depending on your individual needs. During this time, you’ll work with your therapist to identify and address the factors contributing to your insomnia. You’ll also receive a customized sleep plan, track your progress, and make adjustments as needed.

Some common goals during CBT-I include:

• Establishing a consistent sleep schedule.
• Reducing time spent awake in bed.
• Learning techniques to calm your mind at bedtime.
  
  

With commitment and practice, most people see significant improvements in their sleep within a few weeks.

Whether you’ve been dealing with insomnia for weeks or years, CBT-I offers the best path to better sleep. Working with a skilled CBT-I therapist can help you reclaim your nights and restore your energy during the day.

If you’re based in New York and seeking a CBT-I therapist, I specialize in evidence-based treatments for insomnia and other sleep challenges. I offer telehealth services for adults who are ready to break free from restless nights and rediscover restful sleep. Contact me today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward better sleep.

If you've ever felt like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, you're not alone -- this is unfortunately a common sentiment expressed on reddit and other forums. What is behind these posts is that people often feel like they're being directed rather than supported in therapy. But the therapeutic relationship should be a collaborative partnership, not a hierarchy. This post explores how you and your therapist can work together to achieve your goals, ensuring that you feel empowered and heard throughout the process.

Therapy is most effective when it's a two-way street. You bring your experiences, challenges, and goals, while your therapist provides tools, insights, and support. When these elements come together in a collaborative way, you're more likely to see meaningful progress.

However, if you feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, it might be a sign that the partnership needs some adjustment. Therapy should never feel like a power struggle; instead, it should feel like a cooperative effort where both people contribute in a collaboratively way.

Collaboration in therapy ensures that your voice is central to the process. When therapists and clients work together as equals, it enhances the therapeutic alliance, which is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy. A collaborative approach also respects your autonomy and empowers you to take an active role in your healing process.

Some key benefits of a collaborative therapeutic relationship include:

• Empowerment: You feel more in control of your therapy and your life.
• Better Outcomes: Research shows that collaboration leads to more effective therapy.
• Increased Engagement: You’re more likely to engage with the therapeutic process when you feel like an active participant.
• Greater Satisfaction: A collaborative relationship often leads to higher satisfaction with therapy.

If you feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, here are some strategies to foster a more collaborative relationship (if this doesn't work, there are also suggestions for finding a new therapist below):

1. Communicate Openly: Start by expressing how you feel. Let your therapist know if you feel like the dynamic is too directive. A good therapist will appreciate your honesty and work with you to adjust the approach.
   
2. Set Mutual Goals: Make sure that your therapy goals are set together. Your therapist should guide you based on their expertise, but the goals should reflect what you genuinely want to achieve.
3. Ask Questions: Don’t hesitate to ask why certain techniques or strategies are being recommended. Understanding the rationale behind your therapist’s suggestions can make you feel more involved and informed.
4. Give Feedback: If something isn’t working for you, say so. Therapy should be flexible, and your therapist should be willing to adapt their approach based on your feedback.
5. Be an Active Participant: Collaboration is a two-way street. Engage with the process, bring your thoughts and ideas to sessions, and take ownership of your progress.
   
   

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may continue to feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss. If that’s the case, it might be worth considering a different therapist who better matches your style. The right therapist for you will be someone who respects your input and collaborates with you to create a treatment plan that truly fits your needs.

Therapy is a relationship that you and your therapist navigate together. If you ever feel like your therapist talks to you like they're your boss, it’s important to address it. By fostering open communication, setting mutual goals, and being an active participant, you can build a strong therapeutic partnership that leads to meaningful change.

When it comes to managing anxiety, many people are prescribed medications like Xanax (alprazolam) to help ease their symptoms. While Xanax can provide temporary relief, it's essential to understand its potential long-term effects. As someone deeply familiar with evidence-based protocols for stress and anxiety, I'll shed light on whether Xanax might actually make anxiety worse over time.

Xanax belongs to a class of medications called benzodiazepines, which work by enhancing the effects of a neurotransmitter called gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). This action helps to calm the nervous system, providing quick relief from anxiety and panic attacks. For many, this relief can feel like a lifesaver during acute moments of distress.

However, while Xanax can be effective in the short term, its long-term use raises several concerns:

1. Dependence and Tolerance: Over time, the body can develop a tolerance to Xanax, meaning higher doses are needed to achieve the same effect. This can lead to physical dependence, where the body requires the drug to function normally. Withdrawal symptoms, including heightened anxiety, can occur if the medication is reduced or stopped abruptly.
2. Avoidance and Short-Circuiting Therapy: One of the core principles of exposure therapy is gradually facing and tolerating anxiety-inducing situations without resorting to avoidance behaviors. Xanax can short-circuit this process by providing immediate, albeit temporary, relief. This may reinforce avoidance and hinder the long-term benefits of exposure therapy.
3. Potential for Rebound Anxiety: After the effects of Xanax wear off, some individuals experience rebound anxiety, which can be more intense than the initial anxiety. This phenomenon can create a vicious cycle, where increasing doses are needed to manage worsening anxiety.
   
   

Exposure therapy, a key component of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), aims to help individuals confront their fears in a controlled and systematic way. By gradually exposing themselves to anxiety-provoking situations and learning to tolerate the discomfort, individuals can reduce their overall anxiety levels and gain confidence in their ability to handle distress. From this perspective, the use of Xanax can interfere with the therapeutic process in several ways:

• Disrupting Learning: Exposure therapy relies on the principle of habituation, where repeated exposure to a feared stimulus reduces the anxiety response over time. If Xanax is used to blunt the anxiety during exposures, the individual may not fully experience the discomfort necessary for habituation to occur.
• Reinforcing Avoidance: Relying on Xanax to manage anxiety can reinforce the idea that anxiety is unbearable and must be avoided at all costs. This mindset can undermine the goals of exposure therapy, which emphasizes building resilience and tolerating discomfort.
  

It's important to recognize that Xanax and other benzodiazepines have their place in anxiety treatment, particularly for short-term relief during acute episodes. However, for those seeking long-term solutions, especially through evidence-based therapies, a balanced approach is crucial.Here are a few considerations:

1. Work with a Healthcare Professional: If you're currently taking Xanax, it's essential to work closely with your prescribing doctor. They can help you develop a plan to manage your anxiety more effectively and reduce reliance on medication if desired.
   
   
2. Gradual Reduction: If appropriate, a gradual tapering off Xanax under medical supervision can help minimize withdrawal symptoms and rebound anxiety. This process should be tailored to your individual needs and done at a pace that feels manageable.
   
   
3. Embracing Exposure Therapy: Engage fully in exposure therapy with the guidance of a trained therapist. This approach can help you build confidence in your ability to face anxiety-provoking situations and reduce overall anxiety over time.
   
   
4. Consider Alternative Medications: In some cases, alternative medications with a lower risk of dependence and interfering with exposure therapy, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), may be considered. These can provide longer-term anxiety relief without the same risks associated with benzodiazepines.
   
   

While Xanax can provide quick relief from anxiety, its potential to make anxiety worse in the long run is a significant concern. By understanding the risks and working with healthcare professionals to find a balanced approach, you can achieve more sustainable and effective anxiety management. The goal is ideally not just to reduce anxiety in the moment, but to build long-term resilience and confidence in your ability to handle life's challenges.

Feel free to reach out to see if working together to treat your anxiety through exposure therapy may be a good fit.